Yes, I’m back y’all. As the god Rakim would say it’s been a long time. Well to be honest it’s been around a month since we caught up last and as always it’s good to find the time to sit down and write. It’s been a great week of training so far and I’m already looking forward to tomorrow night’s session. I’m training around five or six times a week which isn’t too shabby.

Of course, with a bit of roadwork thrown in for good measure and currently being a sensible booze-free boy I look forward to dropping a little bit of weight and getting sharper and faster over the coming weeks. I made a conscious decision as of Sunday night to have a five-week alcohol break as not only does alcohol knock my fitness but it also affects my well-being and mental health too. It isn’t an emotional crutch and because of what I’ve gone through with the police’s abuse of power and my data protection rights and of course, losing my dad I’ve found at points it can act like one.

Alcohol numbs pain but there are other ways to navigate the tough days other than therapy and nights out on the town. Muay Thai and exercise I am pleased to say is one of them. I’ve started setting myself new goals in training and have even begun to practice switching my guard to an orthodox stance rather than my usual southpaw. I’m starting to practice guard switching in sparring and my trainer this evening told me it is improving and is working. It’s good to have new areas to focus on and right now, I’m just enjoying the journey.

It is fair to say that over the past twelve to eighteen months I’ve learned more about myself than I ever thought I would and what’s impressing me the most is the resilience that grows stronger every day. Muay Thai is a martial art that builds character and brings out the very best in you. As an old trainer once said a good background in Thai will see you go a long way. Whether that applies to life or in the ring either way it’s true.

Choosing to stand my ground and knowing when to fight and when not to is something that Muay Thai has taught me. It’s shown me how to walk tall and do the right thing like my dad did. Most importantly it’s shown me how rewarding it is to help others and to grow from that experience. It’s a confidence and self-esteem builder and has helped me reclaim and understand my relationship with power. This is very important as I have learned that PTSD can make me feel powerless.

I’ve learned when I’m confronting injustice, challenging misconduct and fighting for my rights or for other’s rights I am strong and confident, just as when managing projects in my Professional life however I also become vulnerable and I hope over the next couple of months the vulnerable me becomes just as strong as the fighter in and out of the ring. It’s a work in progress but tonight on my generic Sainsbury’s stop off on the way home from the gym it was good to say to myself “Answers are not in a bottle of red wine son” and mean it. In case you hadn’t realised already it’s been a tough day. I’m pleased I trained.

I’m heading to the new me every day and little by little. I keep telling myself that but being honest there is so much work to be done. Sitting down with myself is liberating and terrifying but it’s clearly vital. I hope that through training just like the Dog Brothers I find “higher consciousness through harder contact “and move with good judgement and skill. Have a great week train hard and just like the last time… I’ll see you on that road.