Hi. It’s good to catch up with you once again I have to admit it’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you. I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and New Year’s Eve and now whilst 2024 is still in its infancy I thought it would be a good idea to reflect on days gone by.

If 2023 taught me one thing about training it is that I’m just as tenacious and committed as I always have been. This February will see me having trained in Muay Thai for 17 years and although at points it doesn’t come easy there’s a lot of knowledge here and a lot of experience. I never thought I would train in martial arts for 17 minutes let alone 17 years. Go me. I’ve spent the past eight years or so of my Muay Thai journey training at Combat Warriors in Bristol. You can visit us here.

2023 also taught me a lot about myself and last year I finally learned how to sit down with the vulnerable me who has had an incredibly traumatic past few years of his life. From the loss of my father to major data protection breaches created by the police to nervous breakdowns and finally once again taking the fight to the police by way of an ongoing civil action it’s fair to say that I’ve been through a lot.

After being diagnosed by an expert psychologist with PTSD, anxiety, and depression I had to take a step back. Learning that the trauma from issues with the police suppressed the grief of losing my dad nearly stopped me in my tracks but just like before I got back on my feet and realised that although fights for justice are important nothing can ever replace the importance of the death of a loved one, especially a parent.

I’m still coming to terms with the fact that it’s easier to fight for my rights and direct righteous anger at power abusers than to sit down with the part of me that is hurting so if I have one New Year’s resolution it is quite simply to never leave myself behind again. Training is helping me head back to a new me day by day. If Muay Thai reminds me of one thing it’s my self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence in knowing that despite everything I should never be afraid of the dark.

At my weakest points, I wonder sometimes how what has happened to me has happened to a guy like me. A guy like me who does his utmost to be there for others one day forgot to be there for himself but never refused to stand up no matter what life threw at him. In the end, living like that can take its toll. There is more to me than fights for my rights just like there is more to me than a mental health condition.

I have said to a few close friends of late that it feels that I am rebuilding myself ground up and because I am, I have to take good care of myself. At the end of 2023, I realized that my life had nearly fallen to pieces around me but the one constant during the past traumatic few years has been Muay Thai. You come to realise in time that not only do martial arts help build and develop character they can sometimes help heal trauma too and help pain become easier to understand and navigate. At least that’s how it is for me anyway. I’ve found Thai boxing compliments the psychotherapy I have once a week as does running.

I’ve begun 2024 feeling strong and feeling positive about the year ahead. I am determined from February onwards to really begin working on my business again (I run a small IT company for those who don’t know) and I’m pleased to still volunteer with Bristol Copwatch so look forward to lots of public speaking and workshops in the upcoming year.

Most importantly I’m really looking forward to continuing to work on myself and heal. Legal battles are all in hand and out of my hands. It’s down to the solicitors now to ensure I see justice. This allows me to put down a load I have carried for the past five years. Once the police here are held to account there’s BTP to go. Then there’s West Yorkshire Police and then I realise I cannot live my life in constant confrontation because if I do then I forget what life is.

Muay Thai helps me remember that for every yang there has to be a yin. Every fight does come to an end in and out of the ring and I look forward to my past which is still my present becoming a memory and a roadmap I use to help others that have felt alone against a state organisation that must always be held to account for their misconduct and abuse of power.

If 2024 will be one thing alone I believe that it will be closure for me. I’m stronger day by day and this year I intend to embark on a special family mission to remember my father. I’m hoping my mum can come with me but if not I understand. Both of us are shell-shocked from loss and I can only hope that grief finally arrives in its entirety not in waves of pain but in beautiful memories and a reconnection with my South African roots and heritage.

For now, I think that’s just about all he wrote, and as time as always is slipping away from me I think a bit of bag work and sparring is the best thing I could possibly finish Saturday afternoon off with after publishing this blog so in the meantime, train hard and just like the time before… I’ll see you on that road.