Hi. It’s been an extended leave of absence but it’s nice to find the time to sit down and get this blog of mine back up to speed. Not writing for a month feels like I’ve been missing something that’s a part of who I am so let’s take it to the stage and tell it how it is in my world when it comes to Muay Thai and everything else in between.

I’m currently waiting to get a professional opinion on the damage the police have done to my mental health following a series of data protection breaches that started in 2018 following a malicious prosecution that resulted in an unjust “assault PC” conviction. If you remember last year I was fundraising to take legal action against Avon and Somerset Police for the most serious of all the breaches.

It’s only after well over five years of fighting for my rights have the effects of the trauma the police created really had an impact on me and my wellbeing and of course my life. At present it seems to be PTSD combined with disassociation that has affected my life and wellbeing and of course my employment as a self-employed IT Professional.

Navigating the fact they lied about me in court and then created yet another lie that was placed onto the police national computer (PNC) has been distressing, to say the least. Rest assured the fight is far from done but what is very real is that after over three years of police monitoring work supporting my community and speaking nationally about the police and the criminal justice system, I need to pause, recalibrate and heal.

Just recently I’ve been thinking about resilience. You see resilience is the capacity to believe that the future could be good again, it is the ability to choose purpose over pain. It is something that I have inherited from both of my parents and although life isn’t always about the struggle when it has been it’s been there when I’ve needed it the most.

Just over two weeks ago I suffered from a serious breakdown in my hometown of Portsmouth, thankfully I was with my best friend at the time who is amazing and she has always been there for me. The tears started and wouldn’t stop but it had been a long time coming. Not wanting to slow down, put it down and just have a rest caused layers of trauma to show me that even the toughest of us have a breaking point. However, although I’m still recovering I find myself heading back to me day by day. As the equally amazing Ken Fero would say

‘It’s always possible to fight. And so that’s what you must do. You must fight. And that fight is not a thing which you enter and then leave after a year or a month or a week. It’s a lifetime struggle, and that is not a loss.’

However, that fight at points has to stop because we have to be there for ourselves just as much as we are there for others. These days I’m training five times a week again and I’ll be honest here, training is going so well for me and I’m improving so much. What training is doing is adding to my strength, resolve, and resilience to never give up and to walk tall no matter the odds.

In 2020 when Bristol Copwatch was founded I used to attend an online men’s group called “The Man in Me” hosted by community activist and friend of mine Ken Hinds as well as Royston John. Ken noted at the time that I had been victimized by the police via stop and search. and although I made mistakes I am someone who has had to learn to move from “victim” to winner.

The group helped me take ownership of what I have been through and begin to forgive myself for what I put my friends and family through in my youth (I was never any good at breaking the law) and helped me realise that I could use my lived experience to help others who have gone through it just like I did. It’s one of the reasons I’ve fought so hard for people as a volunteer caseworker for Bristol Copwatch, I see them and I know how the police operate so try to help put things right. Putting others before me is something I’ve learned from my father.

Going back to my training, the energy I have when I finish a decent training session is as an old friend of mine once said to me mine to keep. Day by day I’m remembering how to apply that positive energy to different areas of my life. I’m learning how to use it to heal some of the trauma I’ve been through navigate the loss of losing my dad in late 2021 and remember that in the end justice will come and things will be put right. It always tips for those who never give up, just like it tipped when I first started fighting.

Most importantly what has happened of late has shown me that I need to get back to myself and remember who I am and that life is more than fights for police accountability, life is good and family comes first which is why I’m making a scrapbook with my mum about my dad’s life. He was an everyday hero. Someone called me that once because of the work I do to help my community. It’s just the little things that make you smile.

On the 20th of August, I’m on an all-star speaker panel at a Bristol Copwatch and Malcolm X Movement joint event in St Pauls “Building resistance to the racist state ” You can find out more about the event here from there I’ve got a few months off fixing me. Rest assured you’ll be in capable hands when it comes to assistance holding the police to account and I won’t be gone long. Like Geoff Thompson would say it’s a temporary stop at the Inn. I intend to invest even more time into my martial arts game and as I’ve said get back to me. When it comes to community activism and Muay Thai it’s a long journey that leads to good places so just like the last time, I’ll see you on that road.