What a winner looks like

Hi. It’s nice to catch up with you all once again, I’d normally apologise mainly to myself but I guess also to you for not writing for the past few weeks however, I’ve been busy with public speaking, workshops and last week’s holiday seeing family in Spain. I’ve also been spending time focusing on myself and what I need as well as want in my life.

The training I’m pleased to say has remained consistent as ever, it’s the one constant that’s always there and it gives a lot back to me. I think it always will do. Although this week has been not as busy as the week before last I intend to hit the ground running from Monday onwards. After all this time I still wouldn’t have it any other way.

I got my running up to speed last week too. I actually ran almost every day, near where my mum lives there are just stretches and stretches of road that in over 30 degrees heat can really push you. Running in the heat means you build your stamina and after every run, I finished off with a super refreshing swim in the pool.

Getting back into the swing of things this week has been good and I’m more than aware that training has been part of the healing process helping me navigate loss and the grief of losing my father late last year.

For the first time in many months since returning from Spain to see my mum, I felt like I’m heading back to myself and most importantly I feel stronger. There are a lot of beautiful memories I have of dad and just this morning I found myself sitting in the bath laughing at one of them. I didn’t feel sad I felt happy to hold such a thing close to my heart.

Grief emerges at the strangest of times and manifests in the strangest of ways and martial arts has given me my focus to see it, understand it and give it the space it needs. I woke up just the other morning sitting bolt upright I said “dad” out loud. For a moment it felt like he had popped his head around the door but he filled the whole room. Just for a couple of moments to make sure I was ok.

I didn’t feel the wave of sadness I anticipated instead I felt slightly bemused and almost blessed that whatever stopped by had given me its attention. Maybe it was him. Either way, it feels good that in my own way I’m taking the first steps to move on whatever that looks like anyway. Training is helping me to navigate this as I’ve said as is my work in the community.

When it comes to that I know how proud he was of me for founding a monitoring group and that I’m helping others in my community, just like I remember how proud he was of me for winning an area title way back in 2013/14. I was fighting a lot then and it was the same year I headed over to Thailand for the first time to train.

That old energy and hunger for the ring are returning and I’ve still got my sights set on fighting again this August. We shall see. There’s a lot of work to do between now and then but I’m not resetting and starting again, instead if I can commit to it and I’m offered a shot I’ll be picking up from where I left off. Muay Thai has helped me turn my life around. It’s helped me become a force for good in everything positive I do.

It helped me prove the police wrong in their definition of me and most importantly it helped me prove myself wrong. It showed me that when it comes down to it this is what a winner looks like. It showed me that I can do anything when I put my mind to it and just like my daddy, I can walk tall and stand strong.

I’m planning to hit the gym hard this week coming and make sure I put in the work. The future in many areas of my life looks positive and when it comes to ongoing legal battles I’m confident of success. It’s good to have put everything down for a week last week and it’s even better to be able to do that when I’m back home in Bristol too. I know how to give myself time and space when I need to rest and heal, but for me, part of that process is the Muay Thai grind. Have a good week, train hard, and just like the last time, I’ll see you on that road.

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