Hi. Nice to see you. I thought I’d take the time to catch up, fashionably late as always but life’s like that. Training wise things are going well and I’m looking forward to competing again when the weather starts to get a little warmer.
I’ve been thinking recently about the need to change my shape when it comes to competing. Just recently, I decided to step back into the interclub world to shake off a little ring rust that’s developed and to make sure that my head would be in the fight game the next time I stepped up for real. Being honest here, I don’t really need to take this route, I train hard and spar regularly but it’s good fun and usually a challenge.
Before I stepped into the square ring (I admit I was buzzing about it) my inner voice said to me “fight like you mean it.” Although I could feel the rust when things got going, everyone told me I did ok and I felt confident that with a lot more training and maybe another interclub or two I’d be ready for the next competition that came up.
You see, I’ve been worrying recently about not being able to cope with the pressure of a win-lose or draw fight, due to having those moments (we all get them from time to time) when being hit hard in sparring is no fun and I just don’t seem to want it enough. I miss shots, I feel slow and I don’t always cope when they give it back.
I don’t think it’s helped me by clinging onto the particularly negative memory of my last fight, which I was immensely unprepared for and didn’t take anywhere near as seriously as I should have done. I was more determined to put things right (I’d lost the fight before that one) than remember me and “short notice” don’t really get on, my body kicking was terrible, I was far too predictable, I panicked in round one an- see? I’m doing it again.
There’s nothing I can do to change results. I don’t have this magic time tunnel that lets me reset, train for six or seven weeks and then give it my all. All I have is the here and now and all I can ever do is learn from my mistakes, build my skills and develop who I am as a boxer.
To do this has a requirement. And that requirement is that I become a different person from who I am now. Human beings are multifaceted and what we see is very rarely what we get with each other. I have the ability to shapeshift just like you do. I have said before that fighting is brutal. It’s not for everyone and in order to be ready the next time I step up I have to be a different person in that ring. The nice guy needs to stay at home and the fighter needs to step into the driving seat.
I think at the moment when it comes to training I’m striving to get back to being the Thai boxer who won an area title in 2013. I feel frustrated that the fighters still there but he’s clouded with a lot of self-doubts.
At points, I wonder if I’ll ever see him again and I think I need to remember that since then and now I’ve made a lot of progress. He’s always there when I need him the most. It just takes time, dedication and practice and the courage to rise to the challenge, to stay brave as a friend once said and to remember that I’m a warrior.
The easiest way to face my doubts and fears is to get on with the work ahead so on that note I’m pleased to say I’m training later. I’m training Thursday, Saturday, and twice Sunday too. Yesterday I swept someone clinching. I forgot I could do that. But there I go again. proving me wrong. When it comes to this Thai boxing game, I don’t think I can ever really lose. Train hard, fight easy and just like the last time…I’ll see you on that road.