Hi, I thought I’d take the time to check-in. I know, I know.. we said Sunday and it’s now Wednesday. What can I say? Muay Thai may be the king of all martial arts but procrastination is next in line. ( Don’t even get me started about monarchies.) This, week like the week before has as always been a good week training. I’m enjoying being able to throw in a little extra bit of training on the occasional lunchtime because as we all know the more you put in, well.. the more you get out.
Just recently I watched my first fight back after a few years out. Although it’s far from perfect it was good to see that despite everything I put up a reasonable fight over 5 rounds. In fact, I actually fought better than I have the last couple of times I’ve stepped up. That was 2018 and now is now and there is no point in dwelling on what has been and gone. I’ve got more courage and heart than any bullfight critic out there. Fighting doesn’t come easy but I’ve got a lot better since then and I can hold my own in that ring.
On my very best day, I can win. I realized the other day that sometimes I find myself comparing myself subconsciously to other fighters and expect a lot of myself, which is why when I look at myself through a microscope as a boxer I can feel disappointed. On those days, my worst days I forget I’ve achieved a lot. I forget that every time I step in the ring I’ve already won.
I remind myself of my failures and deny that I’m improving. I wish I could be better but don’t think I ever will be. I let limiting beliefs control my narrative and shatter my dreams. I forget that the little fighter has always had a big heart and a will that cannot ever be broken. I forgot that I’m getting faster, I’m getting sharper and I’m getting stronger and that I’m still hungry. At 40 years old I still can’t get enough.
You see, fighting is like writing. When I relax and let it go, relax and let it flow it all comes together. But like with anything these things take time. Do I feel like I’ve stepped back in time? that I need to lose and lose until I finally get it right? I try not to because that’s me asking a prophecy to fulfill itself and my future hasn’t happened yet.
You see just up until recently.. on some days, I’d tell myself I’m never going to be an amazing fighter. Some days all I seem to be good at doing is beating myself up whilst simultaneously forgetting how tall I walk on my best day, forgetting how the first time I walked up to the ring it was my Rocky moment. Forgetting how as soon as my foot touched the canvas I’d already won.
That’s why just recently I’ve decided to start focusing on being my best. On putting my back into my training again and pushing myself to be the best I can be. It gives me focus and most importantly it gives me joy. Just like winning does, just like losing does, Just like fighting does. Because it’s more than just a tally of wins and losses and draws. It’s part of who I am. I am on a Muay Thai quest and I will be for many years to come.
The rest of the week ahead is going to be another good few sessions of graft. I need to make sure I run more this week. I need to make sure I sprint more this week. I need to start eating right, get a couple of kilograms of bone idleness shifted. I need to remember to be the best I can be because it always produces the best results. I’ll do my best to check in with you on Sunday until then have a good week and train hard. I’ll see you on that road.