This week as always has been a full week of training. It’s been the same but it’s been different as I have had to train around an injury but none the less I’ve still put in the work. I think I’ve felt a little up and down this week because of it. If you ever catch my run keeper posts when they appear on Twitter and on Facebook you’ll notice a distinct lack of them at present. I fractured my shin in my last fight (I’m pretty sure it was my last fight or its going to have been from over training) and it’s decided to flare up again. On the positive side of things, give it a couple of weeks and things will have returned to normal.
it’s funny sometimes how things can play on your mind and I’ve had a couple of days training this week where all I have been able to focus on is my right leg. Looking back on the week that’s a little amusing. I guess it’s funny how my friend and yours can blind side you when you least expect it. Of course I’m talking about fear. It’s silly, almost laughable that I’ve let something get to me like this. I’ve managed to mentally Google worse case scenarios and let what if? make me it’s new home for the past few days.
These days I’m pleased I can recognise the difference between myself and my mind, so that’s helped me put my fear to bed. Like Geoff Thompson would say, I’m sure it will be back next week. It’s got me thinking about a couple of things fighting related, and really the first thing I’ve been thinking of is myself before I started training.
I’ve never been a person who has gone out and looked for trouble, but I’ve found in the past its come to me whether I’ve liked it or not. The one thing I know is that it’s always been my own creation. I’ve always been taught to turn the other cheek and I’m a firm believer that the better man will (nine times out of ten )walk away. Of course I’ve learnt the hard way that sometimes circumstances won’t let you do that, and when those circumstance have occurred they’ve never really gone in my favour.
When I look back to how I was then and how I am now.. if I ‘visit’ myself if you will, I’m pleased to say I handle my fears a lot more positively than in previous incarnations. Violence is something that terrified me and although these days I’m pretty confident I can look after myself and I know I can put ‘scared’ to bed in a heartbeat, I’ve not had one violent situation occur in years and I mean years. It still doesn’t however sit comfortably with me. I wonder sometimes when I stepped in that ring for the first time in 2010 if there was a few demons I was looking to exorcise. If that was the case I think I still am.
Of course, it’s true that the biggest battles we fight are always with ourselves but that’s not to say I don’t enjoy what I’m doing. If anything Muay Thai has made me stronger inside and a better person than who I was before. It’s taught me to face my fears in and out of the ring, and no matter how hard I get hit to get back up again. Over the years life has given me more than one eight count. I only ever come back stronger.
So these days I go out and I prove my fears wrong. I think I’ve been proving them wrong ever since I got in that ring time and time again, and started to take the bull by the horns at every opportunity I could in my life. I’ve learnt and I’m still learning that fear is only ever ‘false evidence appearing real’ and when defeated only ever brings a sense of liberation, a sense of freedom that is second to none.
When it comes to fighting I’ve realized that after nearly five years of competing not only do I have nothing to prove, I’m just as hungry as I ever was and I hope that never changes. I wouldn’t be speaking from a place of truth if I didn’t say that just recently nerves have been getting to me a little about my next fight(that injury is a potential disaster waiting to happen after all) but there’s a challenge sitting there that ultimately I’m looking forward to and I know that the next few months of fighting is going to be a real push and a lot of fun.
So as always, pig headed and tenacious appears to be winning the temporary battle I’ve been fighting this week. I’m pretty sure I’ll come out on top. Next week I’m back at the gym and I’m hoping I manage to get in a good run at the weekend. I guess playing it by ear is really the order of the day. Fear is something I’ve talked about before and it’s always a topic for discussion. I’ve learnt that how I deal with it has evolved over time. These days I always follow my heart because there’s a warrior that lives inside. Have a good week and just like the last time I’ll see you on that road.